Emotional Me

Early on in our relationship, Andrew & I both expressed our mutual desire to own a cottage someday.  In 2004, when we were still D.I.N.Ks (double income, no kids), we were presented with an opportunity to own a little cottage on a great piece of property with waterfrontage on a lovely lake just over an hour from where we lived in Halifax.  We thought we had hit the big time!  We loved that place, spent every weekend and all our vacations there, had family & friends stay with us, made long term plans, toyed with different renovation ideas, and purchased items to make our dream cottage a reality.  We even got engaged on the deck, and then had our wedding barefoot on the beach of this property we loved.  People still talk about our wedding and how awesome it was!  Great memories.

Our wedding photo on the beach at the cottage

Life being as it may, it changes.  We were blessed with our amazing daughter just months before Andrew's job moved us to New Brunswick.  We were determined to keep the cottage corner of our world in tact and even turned down a request from a potential purchaser shortly after our move to Moncton.  However, although we were a mere 4 hours away from our "home away from home", with the addition of an active toddler, our weekend excursions there got fewer and farther between. The cottage showed its displeasure in our new lifestyle and lack of attention.  It seemed the more work we had to do there made us want to go there less and less.  As vicious cycles work, this, in turn, created more work.

View of cottage from the middle of the bay

This year Andrew was told our dream of returning to Nova Scotia would likely not become a reality any time in the near future and that our paths were likely moving further west rather than east.  This brought a new dilemma: do we hang onto our cottage dream and watch it deteriorate further when we are unsure whether we'd ever be able to return to a place where we'd be able to frequent it, or do we bite the bullet and sell in order to move forward with the rest of our lives?  It was a heart wrenching and very difficult decision.  The place itself no longer held my love, but the memories ... ah, the memories!!!

Cleo basking in the sun on the lake's edge

It took a few months and a lot of going back and forth, but we finally listed the property with a realtor last month.  I cried when we left that day, knowing I'd likely never be back to this slice of the world that held so many treasured thoughts in my mind.  

Yesterday we received a phone call that we have an offer -- a cash offer with no conditions.  I felt sick, I felt excited, I felt nervous, I felt giddy ... and I felt sad.  The reality of this is a little difficult for me to comprehend, despite the logic of the reasons we are moving on.  How can a slice of this earth, a pile of wood and nails (literally!), a bunch of trees and a view have such a hold on me?  I know its the right decision, but that doesn't lessen the knot at the pit of my stomach.  

The cottage as it looks today ... poor old girl needs a little TLC.

I think I'm having a hard time letting go of the dream rather than the reality.  I loved saying we owned a lakefront cottage in NS, that it was not handed down from our relatives but ours exclusively and we worked hard to purchase it ourselves.  And, on top of it all, that it was totally paid for!  But the reality is that we would still not be able to spend much time there, and even if we did, the place doesn't hold the same meaning to us as a family as it did to us as a couple.  The neighbours have different priorities than we do which makes it difficult for us to (a) have privacy and (b) enjoy our time there uninterrupted.  And the work that is required to bring it to a place where we want to spend a great amount of time there is more than we can handle on one salary, especially commuting from a different province.

So it is with a heavy heart, but a clear conscience, that I sign the papers passing on this piece of our world to someone else.  I hope they have half the enjoyment we received from it over the years.

A view of the bay from our cottage ... many lazy afternoons were spent here just enjoying life.

In the end, we must remember it is not the place that has the memories, it is our hearts.  

And no one can ever take that away.

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UPDATE:  AT NOON THE DEAL FELL THROUGH.  WELCOME TO MY ROLLER COASTER!