Today has been a frustrating day for my kid ... mostly because I have a short temper and am not being "the adult" but am reacting to all her shenanigans with what would rival the whining and fighting skills of an 8-year-old (no offence to any 8-year-olds out there, by the way). I'm thinking of changing my name from "Mom" to ANYTHING else just so I can ignore the constant repetition with a clear conscience!!!
On top of it all, I read a stupid/awesome book the other day that really made me re-think my parenting skills:
Honey, I Wrecked the Kids. A friend sent this to me while my husband was overseas with the military and I was stressing about ... well, about everything. At the time I was so completely offended by the name of the book -- how dare anyone say I was wrecking my kid??? -- that I tossed the book in a drawer with a curse and a slam, and never looked at it again. Until a couple of months ago when I was desperate for some sleep and thought it would assist my insomnia. Oddly, it did the opposite. It intrigued me quite a bit. The author's thought process made a lot of sense. I thought I had found the holy grail of parenting. This was it! This was going to work! I would not be a failure, a parent whose child learns to hate them before the kid hits double digits in age. I would be raising a productive member of society who will work hard and completely avoid doing all the stupid things her mother did when she was [insert age here].
However, in putting some of the author's methods into play, I've found myself even more stressed out. There are still too many questions, too many up-in-the-airs for me to follow her instructions effectively. I need some specific examples of what to say and when. I need a step-by-step handbook with diagrams, examples and seating charts. I can't be left to my own devices!!! That will most certainly drive my child to drink/do drugs/make bad choices/end up pregnant at 9 and/or in jail with a pierced eyeball and horns growing out of her head (those are still cool, right???). *sigh*
Oh, how I long for the sweet bliss ignorance brought me before I opened this wretched book ...
Why do we allow ourselves to get caught up in all the opinions and ideas about parenting out there? Is it really because we want to give our kids the best chance at this "game" of life or is it that we don't want regrets or remorse about how things go down at the end of the day? We want a clear conscience that we did the best we could with the skills we had. And maybe that's it: we, as parents, need to trust what our gut is telling us and not just rely on everything "they" are saying. I need to give my girl what
she needs and what
we as parents believe is best, and
leave it at that. Sometimes you've just gotta let it all go and allow things to go the way they are supposed to go. We make mistakes, we lose our cool, we're not perfect. So we chat with our kids about that behaviour and move on.
Until then, this kid's gotta grow up and act her age ... after all, I'm a lot cuter at 42 than I was at 8. : P
Love this post. I've had those days and know that more are to come. I think you're an amazing mom, person, wife and friend. You have an amazing daughter! Hugs to you on these difficult days! Don't ever doubt yourself - you're building a cathedral!
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