Thoughtful Thursday

‎"Excuses for failure, excuses about choices in life, excuses about not taking responsibility fuel dysfunctional thinking – and consequently, undesirable actions and behaviors. Making excuses instead of taking one hundred percent responsibility for your actions, your thoughts, and your goals is the hallmark of people who fail to succeed." ~ Susan M. Heathfield

Wow.  Isn't this brilliant?  We are so often worried about how others will view the choices we make for ourselves that we over-explain or make excuses.  I am also reminded of the quote, "Never explain yourself.  Your friends don't need it and your enemies won't believe it."  Sadly, excuses make us look like we're compensating for something.  Usually not in a truthful way!  Over-elaborating diminishes our stance on issues.  

Be strong in your decisions and take responsibility for your actions.  "Silence the negative voice in your head".  

Food for thought.

Thursday Thoughts

Well, it's started.  I always knew it would, although I secretly hoped that we had avoided this stage when I witnessed others dealing with this at an earlier point in their child's development.  Of course, no such luck.  Granted our child has put her own twist on this particularly annoying chapter in her little life, as we should have suspected she would.  I'm not sure what is worse:  "Why" or "Why not?"

As you may have guessed, our darling 3YO has opted for the latter, despite the nature of the statement which precedes the query.  You see, whether we say, "You can't watch TV right now," or, "You need to eat your vegetables," the response would consistently be, "Why not?"  Which not only makes you want to pull your hair out (because of course this is usually the 50th time in the last hour your little one has posed that same question), but also makes you pause and wonder if this little dynamo understood the statement to begin with.

I do realize it is all part of growing up and learning, and that her curiosity is to be commended.  She is, after all, only trying to learn more about this world she came into as a blank slate.  Some people even try to expand the learning experience by throwing it back at their kids with, "Why do YOU think?" and wait for them to respond.  I'm sure my little imp would simply also adopt this question into our daily routine at regular (read: annoying dripping faucet) intervals.

So for now I'll do my best to respond to the questions that actually have a response, despite the fact that when I do it really doesn't appear to matter greatly in her world.  My response is often returned with an obscure change of conversation as only a healthy toddler can do.

Then again, maybe I should just stick to the tried and true statement coined by my own Mom (and I'm sure countless mothers before her):  "It's because I said so!"

Words to Live By

"Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; but remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for." Author Unknown

Entitlement - A Reality Check

I have been wandering around over the last number of months effectively feeling sorry for myself. Whining internally (and sometimes externally) about some things I essentially have no control over, and also about some things that I do control but obviously had been questioning my decisions about. It was almost 100% reflected in jealousy I was experiencing towards people in my life whom, I believed, had more than I. More kids, more money, a nicer house, a nicer car ... the list goes on.

Today I got a slap in the face, once again, at church. (Figuratively, of course). It amazes me when these things hit me. They come out of the blue, and I always know it's striking a chord when the throat starts to seal up, the nose starts to burn, and I am blinded by tears.

What makes me think I'm entitled to all these things that everyone else has, when I have so much more than so many equally deserving people already? There was a day when we were essentially robbing Peter to pay Paul; now, although finances are tight and we live on a budget, our bills are paid and we have assets that far out-weigh our liabilities. There was also a day when I believed I would never be a wife to a good man, and that I would never be a mother; now I am blessed to be both.

I have a great family, immediate and extended, & seriously awesome friends. We are all healthy. We have a warm home, clothes on our backs, and we get to do a few things here and there to "live life". I am fortunate enough to be able to stay home with our beautiful child, a benefit I would never have imagined I'd be able to have the opportunity, let alone the means, to do. THAT's the nitty gritty important stuff that we are blessed with.

Really, isn't winning the lottery enough without the bonus round?

Internal Review

Recently I ...

... upped my running mileage, only to realize I likely have plantar fasciitis in my left foot. Working on NOT injuring myself further so I can continue this running bliss;

... have been pushed out of my comfort zone in discussing our financial affairs, but have also been reminded that trusting your gut when it tells you things is SO important;

... have wanted to poke my eyes out so many times in dealing with Maaike's 3-year-old tantrums, attitude and rudeness. I had to walk away on more than one occasion to keep myself from having a tantrum of my own in response;

... have been so proud of the progress Maaike is making in relation to the potty. In the past month, she has pooped on the potty more than 1/2 the time; and in the last week, she has exclusively pooped on the potty. This is a BIG DEAL and such a big jump from where we were just two months ago when we were giving enemas to combat the result of her holding things in!

... have been shack-whacky and in need of some fresh air and vitamin D. Seriously, Mr. Weather Man, let's be reasonable. We've had not only our fair share of snow this year, but the ridiculously cold temps that went along with it are just cruel and unusual. Let's talk Spring, shall we?

... have been enjoying my Friday mornings with my husband. He had to burn off some leave before year-end and decided to take a few long weekends to accomplish that task. These free Fridays give him an opportunity to see Maaike in her preschool environment, and also give us some time alone together while she's there. We don't do much, but hanging out alone together has been needed and well-deserved for both of us;

... experienced a sense of relief that we are not moving anywhere this year. As much as Moncton has not been my favourite posting, and as hungry as I am to buy a new house & "move on", so to speak, I find more solace in the fact that I don't have to rush back to work yet, and can at the very least spend one more year at home being the best Momma I can to our little girl;

... have enjoyed reconnecting with my faith at our "new church". I have so often in the past felt somewhat put-off by organized religion and all that entails, but this new group and the messages that have been given every week have at times caught me off guard and even moved me to tears. I find myself looking forward to attending every week. Quite a concept for a girl who, while always a believer, couldn't get past the claustrophobic feeling that went along with attending church on a regular basis;

... have been over-analyzing people's motives, only to realize that for the most part it's just me thinking too much!!!

... have been seeking internal peace. I'm almost 42 ... time to let go of the pettiness, the ridiculosity, the little things, the negative internal dialogue. I have a beautiful daughter that I need to assist in building into a strong woman. These adverse thoughts are just not productive to that process!!!

... have been missing my own Momma, as well as her Momma, and wishing we all lived a little closer.

Saturday Sidebar ...

Dare I say it's been a full week since I've changed a poopy pull-up? Since our girl has been actually TELLING us she needs to poop on the potty? And doesn't need to sit there 1/2 as long as it was taking before ... ???

I'm knocking the proverbial wood with ALL of my might ...........

Lately I have been ...

... panicking. Andrew meets with his career manager in the next couple of weeks and we find out if he will be posted out of Moncton. I am not ready to go back to work and the prospect of my full-time SAHM status coming to an end makes me want to throw up! And, of course, cherish every moment with our girl. Fingers crossed for one more year, please?

... eating way too much. Is it the extreme cold temps that make my body crave all things bad for me? I am a carb-a-holic, I can't keep my hands out of the cookie jar, and have started this stupid mid-morning snack routine that HAS to stop!

... pushing myself running-wise, working on increasing my speed. Yet also taking my long runs back a notch. It's working for me. So far.

... thinking about adding extra days to my workout routine. I currently exercise every other morning, with one long run on the weekends. I am sure this desire comes as a result of the second point listed above. *doh*

... rearranging furniture, cleaning out closets, washing baseboards, organizing to a fault. Is this a sort of winter wackiness that comes from living in a freezing climate surrounded by mounds of snow that are so large they hide buildings? Or is it simply my psyche's way of telling me that I'm bored with my surroundings and yearning something different? If this is the case, psyche MUST STOP. See point #1 above! Panic!

... missing my friends. Maaike's schedule no longer leaves a morning free for playdates with my Mommy friends, and I'm missing them!

... feeling disconnected from a certain someone who is having some issues that are all too familiar to me. I am coming to a genuine understanding of how difficult it was for my friends and family to step back, not pressure and still be supportive without "offending" when I was going through the same issues. Praying that God gives me the right words to say, and the good sense to keep my flapping gums shut when appropriate. REALLY need to work on that one.

... going through a sense of "outsider-ness" (okay, maybe it's not a word but it should be!) around my women friends who are having their 2nd and 3rd children.

... enjoying a truck-load of "firsts" for Maaike this month: first day of pre-school; first hair cut; first trip to the dentist; first time tobogganing by herself; first snowman built ...

... longing for some green grass, a ray of warm sunshine, sand between my toes, and maybe a pretty cocktail with an umbrella. Fruitless, really, when we're in the middle of a deep freeze and the forecast is calling for more snow. But a girl can dream ... right????